一篇英语作文,帮我挑一下错,好的多加分!求求各位了!在线等!

一篇英语作文,帮我挑一下错,好的多加分!求求各位了!在线等!
In today’s world, different people have different thoughts and ways. And some people like to do only what already do well. Other prefer to try new things and take risks. And I’d better agree the latter one. And I can state my reason as follows:
To begin with we can obtain experience at risks. For example you have never tried to do something before, but when you try your best to do this things, and you will gain experience from this things. Whatever the result is, it is very valuable experience. For example on December 11,2010, I attended SSAT exam and I didn’t have any confident, because I couldn’t remember enough words. And although the score is not higher. But what I need is experience but not high score.
In addition, when you succeed in challenging you will get great pleasure very happy. And lots of scienist and writer’s famous by their challenging. Which not only gives they economic returns, and also people give them high praise .
Moreover, challenging can change your personailty and force you to growth. You can imagine that you don’t have any challenging and when you grow you will feel very tired.
So I prefer to try new things and take risks.

In today’s world,different people have different thoughts and ways.Some people like to do only what is ready for them others prefer to try new things and take risks.For me,I agree with the latter one.And my reasons are as follows:
To begin with,we can obtain experience by taking risks.For example you have never tried to do something before,but when you try your best to do this it,you will gain experience,whatever the result is.Take myself for example,on December 11,2010,I attended SSAT exam but I didn’t have any confident,because I couldn’t remember enough words.Although my score is not very high I got what I need,which is experience rather than a high score.
In addition,when you succeed in challenging you will get great pleasure and become very happy.Lots of scienist and writer’s are famous for their spirit to challenge,which not only gives they economic returns,but also wins them respect from other people.
Moreover,challenging risks can change your personailty and enable you to grow up.You can imagine if you have never faced any challengs,when you grow up you will feel very tired.
So I prefer to try new things and take risks.
已改!
原文英文不太合语法,意思是这样的.
当今社会,人们想法各异方式不同.一些人情愿坐享其成,另一些人喜欢尝新冒险.我更欣赏后者,并将缘由作如下解释：
首先,冒险让我们收获经验.比如做一件以前从没做过的事,在付出做大努力尝试后你便从中获得了经验.不论成功与否,这经验非常值得.那我自己来说,2010年12月11日参加了美国中学入学考试,由于我单词记得不够多,当时一点信心都没有.虽然我的得分不高,但是这次我需要的是积累经验,并不是得高分.
此外,一旦你挑战成功,你就会非常幸福快乐.许多科学家和作家都是通过挑战自我不但得到了经济上的回报,也获得世人的赞扬.
更重要的是,敢于挑战会塑造你的人格促进你的成长.试想一下,如果你不曾面对任何挑战,那长大后你一定会活的辛苦.
因此,我更乐于尝新,敢于冒险.