帮我看下我的英文自我介绍有没有什么问题和需要改进的地方

帮我看下我的英文自我介绍有没有什么问题和需要改进的地方
It is my great honor to introduce myself to you here.
I'm Claire from Chengdu City Sichuan privence.20 years old.
I graduated from Chengdu Universitity of TCM this year,the major is combination of Chinese treditional and Western medicine nursing.
So,not only the western medicine bacis I have,but also the treditional Chinese medicine basic.Like acupuncture and moxibution and Chinese massage.
When I was at school,I was rated as the escellent student,exellent graduate student,and outstanding student leader.
In the spare time ,I passed the aider of the Red Cross Cociety of China,and the Senior Sanitarian massagist.
Pecently,I'm working at XXXX to do something like health guidance for child.
Before this ,I worked at a hospital,the department is ICU.
And you know,to be a nurse in the ICU,not only the solid professional knowledge and good psychological we need,but also the patience.And I think the most important ability is the patience.Because we needed to do life nursing everyday for my patients,Like help them to bathe ,wash hair,and even defecate.
So,I'm sure that I'm fit for the position becayse I have the experience and the ability you need,and I think I am the one who you want.

Good morning!I'm really glad to come here today and introduce myself to you.And I believe that I'm the right person that you are looking for.
Firstly,I have a solid education background this position requires.I graduated from Chengdu University of TCM in June this year,and I was major in the Chinese traditional and Western medicine nursing.From the systematic training in school,I aquired knowledge including acupuncture,moxibustion,and Chinese massage.I was qualified by the Red Cross Association of China to offer emergent aids.In addition,I have obtained the certificate of Senior Sanitarian Massagist.All my knowledge could help me meet the responsibility of this position.
Secondly,besides those theories that I learned from textbooks,I also possess practical experiences from my current and past work.I used to work at the department of ICU in hospitlal,which equipping me both the nursing skills and the mental strength.Currently,I'm working at XXXX as health consultant for children to give guildance to parents of keeping children in health.From those experiences,I learnt that the most important quality for nurse is patience,since nursing work is always tiring.A good nurse should always be patient and ready to help patients with their needs,such as bathing,washing or even defecating.I really love this job,as I really want to help those sick people.
Lastly and the most importantly,I'm of good personality.I always make the best out of myself and love to cooperate with others.In university,I was honored excellent student,excellent graduate student,and outstanding student leader.
I really love the career of nursing,and I hope that you will give me the opportunity to work here.
Thank you for your time!
我改了段落顺序,以及段落内顺序.因为在英文行文里,最好把你的主题句在第一句就说明白,简洁明了,让人知道你强调什么.
希望对你有所帮助~：）加油!