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帮我做中学英文作文,If I have only 24 hours left,I would.(150 words)我的

来源:学生作业帮 编辑:作业帮 分类:英语作业 时间:2024/10/06 23:12:45
帮我做中学英文作文,
If I have only 24 hours left,I would.(150 words)
我的老师说我写作文很不逻辑,所以拜托帮我看一下我的作文有什么问题The sunshine in the morning was very dazzling,I lied on the bed being unwilling to get up after staling for a long time.I am troubled with a dream that keep going in my mind......I saw a women who dressed in white in my dream,according to my memory her face was rather pale and her skin was truely pure white,a human can't be sooooooooo white and pale,but the problem was this was only a dream,a dream whom was so reality.The white clothes woman opened her mouth and she started to talk.She talked and talked,even she talked until the roof of the world dropped down,I probably still can't understand what she was talked about(it seem liked the dream was a bit weird).Until she finished her last sentence,I FINALLY underst and what she wanted to tell me.She wanted to tell me that I would dead after 24 hours,so I would have 24 hours to do what I wanted(of course I dont believe her,this is only a dream) 写满了打不进了
"The sunshine in the morning"---Chinglish...Sunshine was very dazzy
"I am troubled with a dream that keep going in my mind."
was吧?.
而且,主旨不够明确...还是没打完的原因?...
你要写关于"THE LAST HOURS IN MY LIFE"?那么你在最后写"(of course I dont believe her,this is only a dream) ",也就是说你不相信,那么你还怎么接着往写呢?如果不是写珍惜生命或时间的话题,就不该转到这上来
前面想详细的描写梦,只是反复用的词稍微多了些,句子本人认为可以更精简些.重点是后面对这个梦的感悟.
至于逻辑方面,是有那么一点儿别扭吧.试想,一个人,被告知生命只剩下一天,他会在床上不想起?然后继续想他那个梦?还是去辨别它的真实性?显然这样写是不太符合立意的吧...
看的出很想用短语,定语宾语,从句去写,但先得生硬些
以上全为本人个人意见~
*敢问作者可否是中学生?...本人高中,所以技术含量不高,见谅