留学交换生英文申请，求高人修改！！

留学交换生英文申请，求高人修改！！
要求：Personal Statement: This is a brief essay about who you are, what you've done or accomplished, and what your goals are for the future.
自我陈述：I am a girl born in a small city. The year I was 18, I left my hometown and came to a big city where I am going to study and spent my five-year campus life there. I have learnt to do everything by myself and enjoy good relationship with classmates in the college, which I used to be so much worried about. Be more confident and independent, I really look forward to enjoying a campus life in America. There’s no doubt that I’ll learn much more from the friendly people and culture there where is neither in my hometown nor my country.
I major in Urban Planning in my university, which is a dream for me when I was young. I try my best to learn more about it, and do pretty well in architecture. In addition, I really go for in art designing and painting. The interests and hard-working help me get the first price in a designing competition. When I learnt that my dreaming subject, Landscape Architecture is just available in UC Davis, I was so happy.
Urban Planning is a subject requires various knowledge, science and art, internal and external. And if I get the chance to go abroad means I get the chance to know more. It’s certain that the rich experience will help a girl get closer to her goal, which is to be a qualified expert in Urban Planning. In the near future, I plan to put my knowledge into practice. Teachers and Books teach me what other countries do with city development, but I never really know what it is like. So during the time I study abroad, I want to complete a cognitive map of UC Davis, have a study of image space on small scale.

1, (To) be more confident and independent, I really ........
2, There’s no doubt that I’ll learn much more from the friendly (local) people (about the) culture of America 后面去掉，因为你的家乡和你的国家相对美国来说，是同一个地方，不应该用 neither. nor.
3, I really go for in art designing and painting.... 改成I do go for art designing and painting very much. And the great interest already helped me getting the first.....
4, And, Landscape Architecture, just available in UC Davis, is a subject really drove me more than happy.
5, Going abroad is really a chance for me to know more.
6, get closer to her success.