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请帮看看此作文.1.10 Some people think children’s spending time on T

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1.10 Some people think children’s spending time on TV,video and PC games is good,while others think it is bad.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
There's no doubt that TV,video and PC games are taking a larger part of children's lives nowadays.And it is sure the tension will continue for long.
I don't think those things are as bad as drugs or alchohol.For many children,it is just ways for them to spend their spare time.We adults shouldn't bother them doing things they love to.
On the other hand,it is our duty to stop them being addicted to it.Though they won't damage children's health deeply,they are certainly harmful to their eye-sight or their necks etc.
Trying to bring the children to the nature.Green is always a great colour for protecting our eyes.Having fun in the farms will be a good method to communicate with eacher other in a family.Just try to let them leave the screens.Of course,having different kinds of sports will be perfect.
In a word,it is the children's rights to get fun from TV or computers and it is adult's responsibilities to make them know the harm of those things and stop them from addicting.
不知道你要求的是什么水平的.
逻辑性不行,段落衔接有问题.
论点有了,但是论据去论证这个论点时显得无力,深度上不来.