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希望有好心人帮我把这篇英语范文完善一下

来源:学生作业帮 编辑:作业帮 分类:英语作业 时间:2024/07/05 23:32:50
希望有好心人帮我把这篇英语范文完善一下
这是我写的帮我指导一下啊 最好把改正后的文章在复制下来给我
Nowadays mobile phones are becoming more and more popular among the middle school students.In my opinion,we can bring mobile phones to school.
As we know,the 21st century is a modern age and full of information.A mobile phone is one of the quickest tools for us to exchange information.The mobile phone is a fashionable and useful invention,so we ought to make the best use of it.Suppose there's a sudden accident,it is more convenient for us to dial for help immediately.There're also some games in the mobile phone.We can relax ourselves by playing them when we're tired of our studies.In my opinion,it's not wrong to follow the fashion,but the most important thing is how to use the mobile phone in a right way.
Nowadays mobile phones are becoming more and more popular among the middle school students.In my opinion,we can(should 因为是自己的观点) bring mobile phones to school.
楼主,真不好意思,我原本想一句一句给您改的.但是我发现我无法进行下去.我不是说我的英语水平有多好,只是以一个阅读者的角度来看这篇文章,到处都是套词.大量的篇幅都用在这个上面了,我的意思是把内容idea扩充,即使用最平常的语言.
文章内容:
从文章看 观点句子是In my opinion,we can bring mobile phones to school.
要支持这个论点 可以解释为什么带手机 1 遇到危险时 处理紧急情况 在写个例子 比如生病了及时求助 2 与家人保持联系 尤其是住宿的高中生 3 解压 例子:游戏娱乐 4 搜索更多的信息 新闻 与时俱进
用几个分论点支持主论点,一几个例子支持分论点
在句子结构方面:
多变的开头,以名词 动名词 介词短语 时间状语
多变的句式,限定性从句,非限定性从句,定语从句,if条件状语从句.
注意时态
以上为个人观点,希望对楼主有用.