这篇雅思作文得几分There is a issue of whether increasing the number o

这篇雅思作文得几分
There is a issue of whether increasing the number of sports facilities support people to exercise and keep health.
It is reported that recently,more of people alway stay at home who play computer games or watch televation almost all the day after school or work,which is blamed for a phenomenon that much more people get sick.Forthemore,hospital would more crowded than before in the future.However,the suggestion of goveronment need to build enough sports facilities can be justied in many ways.
Gym,a case in point ,can provide a occasion to people to sport,such as basketball,football,table tennies,etc.I think that it is a best way to relax their body and mind for people when they finnish a various of works or homeworks.
The biggest advantage of increasing the number of sports facilities is that those who is interesd in sports can possess more sport gum or facilities to entertain than before.because,sometimes,They hope to organize a competition of balls but they hard to find a occasion.so if the goveronment increase sports facilities,in other word,they get an opportunities to sport in outdoor and they can keep their sharp constantly.
Consequently,accroding to above reason,We can draw a conclusion that it is neccessary to increase sports facillities for everyone.

不知道这篇雅思大作文有没有4.5分..求大神们评个分.谢谢

首先你得把题目也写出来才好评分吧,审题是第一步,没有题目也不好评分.
其次你第一段的第一句就有语法错误,而且还不止一个错误,起码有3个错误,那就不会有高分
there is an issue,不是 a issue,issue 后面可以用 that 从句引导出来,不用从句也可以,
那动词要变形来修饰名词,你就直接 support ...and keep 那句子的谓语动词到底是 is 还是后面的并列动词?
最后一段也有低级错误 according to above reason,according 拼错了吧,然后逗号后面为什么we是大写?
所以不用看内容,你这最多也就4分
分段也有问题,如果你顶格写,那段与段之间就要隔行,如果空两格写就不用隔行
再问： 其实这一句在of后面我是想把它当成一个从句这样子的形式.of后面的那句意思是：是否增加一些运动设施提供给人们去锻炼和保持身材. 如果改成这样还有错误吗？ There is an issue that whether increasing the number of sports facilities to provide to people to exercise and keep health.
再答： There is an issue that whether increase the quantity of sports facilities which used for exercising and keeping health for inhabitant. 你 that 后面的从句没有谓语动词，所以increase要用动词原形，后面的词组搭配那么多to也怪怪的，建议多用从句。 一般 of 后面是跟名词的，没有of后面直接跟从句，你可以of+名词+修饰名词的从句
再问： 嗯嗯.知道了.辛苦多一下哈..xixi..最后一个问题：下面那些段落里面的句子是不是主要错在定冠词还有首字母大写这些地方.那些从句有没有用错额.?
再答： 因为你前面明显错误比较多，所以后面内容我没细看哦,你英语表达的习惯用法也不是很顺畅，如果要全文修改的话只能私信发给你了，内容太长了