sat作文求批改,Assignment:Should originality always be more highly

sat作文求批改,
Assignment:Should originality always be more highly praised than conformity?
Perhaps few people can imagine the total stagnation in the world depicted in George Orwell’s 1984 due to a lack of originality.Indeed,when all the members of a society merely conform to the ‘norms’ of a group,any kind of development will be an impossible feat.Thus,originality always outweighs conformity; in films & businesses,countless examples stand as the greatest testaments of such a statement.
As demonstrated by the film The Shawshank Redemption,individual can seek salvation by finding original approaches to ameliorate his dire situations.Andy,the protagonist who is forced to serve a life sentence under a verdict based on insufficient evidences,never loses hope even in the horrible prison.Whereas other inmates commit themselves to banal activities in prison industries,Andy endeavors to enrich his & other convicts’ lives by renovating the antiquated prison library.Although his novel approach to solve the prison’s problems is taunted by other inmates and at times disapproved by the haughty officials,Andy constantly embarks on his project,eventually ensuring a fund from the State Council that realizes his dream.Had Andy conformed to the lifestyle shared by other inmates instead of devising his original plan,he would have become as desperate as other inmates are with no hopes for the future and no idea as their beacon in life.

例子,词句都很好.没写完吧?
再问： 有一半打不上去，字数一增多就提问无效。请问有无推荐改作文处？
再答： 针对2013年5月和6月考试同学SAT作文批改http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_5f2bdc0e0101adl5.html