托福独立作文修改 大概可以得几分

托福独立作文修改 大概可以得几分
Wether we
should make friends with the intelligent ones,or with the humorous friends is
a question that long disturbs some of us.Some people maintain that it is
better to have the smart friends around because they are helpful in perfecting
oneself.But in taking various
considerations into account,i believe that it is better to have friends with
great sense of humor.I side with this claim because it is interesting to stay
with them,and the intelligent friends some times is too sophisticated.
There is
a common problem with the intelligent people,they tend to be more
sophisticated.On one hand these people think everything over and over again to
make sure it is beneficial to themselves; on the other hand,might even turn
their back to you to gain the credits.So isn't it too harsh to hand out
with the intelligent ones whose lives is
full of calculation?By this I mean it will inevitably jeopardize both the
indivisual and the group.
People
may think that making friends with the intelligent people will enable oneself
to improve.However,to achieve this,it has to be conducted under certain
circumstances.Imagine your are staying with an intelligent but boring
friend.Her dull behavior bored you very much.While your aim is to learn
something good from her,under the bordness of the behavior,the only thing you have observed is
boredom!What is more,under the purpose of making a friend with people,is not
the real meaning of the relationship.
People
often tend to stay with the one who has a sense of humor,because hangging
around with them make one feel relaxed.I will give myself as the example.My
best friend,who is very funny,often tells the jokes when we had the break.I
often laughed into tears.This free me from everyday stress greatly.And thus
so often do I feel lucky to have such a friend.We have being knowing each
other for years,she is the first one comes up to my mind whenever I feel sad
and unhappy.
However,humorouse
friend can sometimes be mean to others.No one is perfect,no one will ever be
in high spirits.This time requires the friend to help in reverse.It is our
term to comfort and cheer up the low spirits,and to learn to tolerate the
weakness.
So think about
humorouse people within your reach.They lead you in a happy life; that save
you from the hard day; the friend that we are all preciouse of.

写出了一种雅思作文的感觉,自己观点---对方观点----自己观点.而且你的分点太关注于一块,sophiscated和interesting.文章用词太口语化了,句式有些简单,and,also,but之类最好不要放句首.body paragraphs信息太少,衔接词不够,逻辑不够,例子也不specific.正规essay大忌,imagine you,suppose you,if you.考官看的是你的supporting evidence,和中文习惯不一样,一出you考官不敢直视,相同的还有托福口语里的you know...you know...6分我打4~4.5
再问： 请问托福大概几分