求改一下鄙人的英语作文,是要给英国外教看的,不想给中国人丢脸~T T

求改一下鄙人的英语作文,是要给英国外教看的,不想给中国人丢脸~T T
题目是说一下你认为中国目前较为严重的问题,然后提出解决方法
我的拟题是：中国的高考问题严重,各方家长牺牲学生的自由时间去补课.
以下是鄙人的英语作文,请大胆修正!
In china,i think the most serious problem is educaton about the university entance exam.
In 2012,there are 300 thousand student took part in the university exam.Although the rate of passing was 75%,everyone want to go to the top school which called "211project" and "985 project",like The Ivy League University in America,represented the top level of the nation.
To achieve this goal,students in high school attend kinds of tutorials,learning marth,english,physics and so on.At the same time,parents are in favour of the activities that their children study in the weekend.No computer games,no basketball.For example,my aunt paid 100 yuan per hour of a class generously in order to improve her son's grade.At school,teachers treat stuents seriously at work too.Honestly,students have few free time to do any other things excep study in high school life.
We can't stop thinking about the reason why situation is going like this?Maybe the reason is Study is the only way to make you success in chinese opinion,if you do not work hard,you will fall behind.
Finally,how we sollute the problem?In fact,many teenagers are sent to aboard to escape the chinese university entance exam in recent years.Also,government have put a new polite into practice called independent recruitment.Headmaster of the college will interview the student,if he or she behaves good enough,he or she can entance the university without exam.

 i think the most serious problem is educaton about the university entance exam.  最好 is  跟上that  这样更直观第二行300 thousand student  不说了你应该知道哪里错Although the rate of passing was 75%,everyone want to go to the top school which called "211project" and "985 project"     我觉得这关联词用得...怎么说呢,In spite of the rate of passing was 75%,  there were still a  mojarity of people wanting to go to the top school which called "211project" and "985 project",like The Ivy League University in America,represented the top level of the nation.At the same time,parents are in favour of the activities that their children study in the weekend.No computer games,no basketball.For example,my aunt paid 100 yuan per hour of a class generously in order to improve her son's grade.   这句话我觉得可以把No computer games,no basketball.  因为不承上也没启下会使文章突兀不流畅,Maybe the reason is Study is the only way to make you success       或许successful

 
再问： 是that is 还是 is that？
再答： is that