帮忙改下雅思作文并打分

帮忙改下雅思作文并打分
Some people think the best way of reducing crime is to give longer prison sentences.Others,however,think there are other better ways to reduce crime.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays,there are considerable debates over the most efficient methods to reduce the crime rate.Some individuals point out giving longer prison sentences is the best way to prevent crime.Nevertheless,others believe that there exist more efficient ways.In my point of view,I would like to discuss both sides of this thorny issue.
On one hand,it is useful to extend prison sentences to reduce crimes.Besides,we can do something meaningful and beneficial to criminals as well as society.The government can provide courses for those who go astray due to poverty to develop their skills and knowledge.That way,criminals can acquire basic skills and knowledge to improve their chances in finding work,promote their physical and mental development,and eventually help themselves start with a new life.
On the other hand,there are other ways to reduce the crime rate.A government can adopt positive and effective means to prevent crime.For instance,they can develop an individual’s awareness of the law by offering law courses to common people both in the urban area and the outskirts.Let them familiarize and understand the law,so they can protect their personal interests .People who know the consequences of breaking the law would not do something illegal.Moreover,we can implement stricter laws and impose harsher punishments to reduce the crime rate.
As far as I am concerned,I would prefer the latter view.Undeniably,giving longer prison sentences can play a role in reducing the crime rate; however,the reduction may not be significant.The solution is to deal with the problem from the origin .I believe this is the most effective way to reduce the crime rate which can also benefit everyone in the world.

总体来讲,写得相当不错.首先对两种观点进行了讨论和比较,然后阐明自己更倾向于那种观点,并亮出了自己的观点.